Seeking the Heart of God
By Tom Brock

Most of the time those of us who are Christian people are looking for some sort of an affirmation, of who we are and that the Lord loves and accepts us. We come to meetings hoping to hear or to receive a word that will do just that. It could be a confirmation in the teaching or in the worship. But our real hope is that we will be singled out and touched by the Sprit and have it acknowledged that God is with us, that he loves us and he accepts us. Because of all of our failures and the lack of physical contact with the Lord we long for something of this nature to confirm that our lives our secure in him. Meeting after meeting we are hoping for this experience, but most of the time it doesn't come. This is where we find ourselves in our journey. What do we do? We are disappointed, but we wouldn't dare say anything that would imply that God isn't sufficient or that he wasn't meeting our needs, because that would just reinforce the thought that we were not loved or good enough to receive from him. Plus if we said that, people would say that is why we aren't getting what we are looking for. So what do we do?

In book of Songs of Songs chapter three, we find a story of a woman who is looking for something. It reads that all night long she looked for the one she loved on her bed. She looked but could not find him. So she made a decision that she would get up and go and look for him. Through the streets and squares she searched for the one her heart loved. I think we can learn something here. As we go to meetings or even try on our own to be touched by the Lord, I think most of us are in the receiving mode. Come to me Lord, touch me Lord, here I am Lord. These are the statements that we call out with. But this woman did something different. She decided to go and seek the one she wanted. In the middle of the night she roamed the streets seeking. She wasn't going to give up until she found him. She decided that she would not go to bed frustrated one more time. We should do the same. There has to come a hunger to see change in our lives and not settle for the statuesque. The decisions that our lives can be and will be better in the Lord, and then to do something about it. In 2004 I was watching the Oscars and Steve Martin had a line that really hit me. He was referring to the good looks of the stars and said, "I would do anything to look like that, except eat right and exercise". To me that hits us right where we live. I would do anything to hear God except get up and seek him, or meditate on His word for my life. We want things to come to us, but I believe we will find that the scripture reads: If you seek me you will find me. What has to happen for us to make this change in our thinking and actions? Do we have to wait for disaster or problems to force our hand? It's said that people will not change until the pain of remaining the same supersedes the pain of change. Is this what we want? Do we follow the Lord in such a way that we are forced to do what he wants? I don't think that that is what he had in mind.

In looking at the scripture in Songs of Songs, we find a key phrase. I will get up now and look for the one My Heart Loves. This is the point of motivation. It was her heart; she loved this man and was longing for his touch so much that she couldn't sleep another night without him. Is it possible to have this type of love for the Lord? I believe it is. It isn't a mystery, it's very practical, and if we look at it maybe we can find our way to a closer intimate walk with him. CR

I am a firm believer in Romans 1 where it states that the natural things of the earth show the invisible things of God. If we look at our own lives when it comes to falling in love we can see that this is also the way to find God. What do we do when we are looking for a partner in our life? Many people date. What is dating? It is an experiment in love. Will I find someone that I like? Will I find someone who likes me? Is there someone out there for me?

These are big questions when you are looking. The relationship of dating is pretty shallow. You spend time chit-chatting. Trying to discover if you will make the effort to see this person again. If all goes well then you will make the attempt to try again. But for the most part, there are no intimate details shared or deep promises made and no commitments committed to.

This is where many people find themselves in the kingdom too. They take Jesus on a date. They try him out to see if there is anything there for them. Is this a relationship worth pursuing? Some time is spent, maybe in a church setting or home group, or some Christian event, and for the most part the question is still unanswered. Do I want this relationship to develop? Will you be committed to the next stage or will we be looking for another date with some other god next week?

Like I said dating is very superficial. You will not share things with someone you are not sure of or are not sure you will ever be with again. You will not open up, so the secret things of your heart will not be touched. It is the same in the kingdom. If we only call out to the Lord when we are lonely or in trouble, what do we expect to share with him. If we are not sure we want to make a commitment to him then how deep can the relationship be. Do we only want God to take away our pain, or are we willing to seek out the relationship that he wants us to have with him? This is a big question. What will happen if I let my heart go and God touches me? What will he do? Can I trust him with my heart?

If you want to find love then you have to take the risk of putting your heart out. It's sad to say that we are willing to trust a man or woman with our heart, knowing that people fail and hurt each other all the time. But when it comes to God, who never fails we're not sure he can be trusted. So if this is true, is it a risk? I don't think so. We just need to take the step to build the confidence in our own heart. Don't use him like a fire alarm on the wall that reads break glass in case of fire. You would hate it if you had people who only called you when they were in need or didn't have anyone else to hang out with. God has always wanted to have a deep meaningful relationship with us. We just have to take the step. CR

The next step that we take in our relationship, if it builds, is that we commit to that one person and then we get engaged. This is a wonderful time. First of all we are so happy that we have found someone that thinks we are worth keeping and we can dance around and taunt all the other singles that we have somebody and they don't. Then we are able to share things of our heart. We talk about the future. Where we're going to live. What type of car? How many children. How much money are you going to make, and how much she is going to spend. The relationship begins to grow deeper. You learn about each other's likes and dislikes. Life is good and the future is bright.

This is a time that builds and helps us focus. But it also brings frustration. As the emotions grow and the intensity of the heart grows so does a desire to have a closer relationship. We want that fulfillment of our hearts and we express it in everyway we can. If we are going to follow the scripture then we are in a holding pattern that just intensifies as time goes on. We want more but we are not in a place that we can receive it. Here it is again, the natural displaying the invisible.

Many in the body have come to this level of relationship with the Lord. The decision has been made that we will not go after any other god and we are making plans for the future. We know that we love him and we are excited that we have found him. But the frustration of not being touched by him is still there. We have to move to the next step and that is the one that will bring the release that we are looking for. The decision to marry. Now I know that the Lord is coming for his bride, but what I am talking about here is a mind and heart set that is a commitment of intended purpose. In other words, this is what I am going to do. I will not turn away and my life belongs to Him. Pretty much throwing yourself into his arms and never looking back.

What can make that happen? Only a heart that falls in love. What builds love? A friend of mine say's this "shared experience builds intimacy", and this is true. The more time you spend with a person and the more things you share the deeper your hearts grow together. It can only work with love as the platform that things are built on. Love is an amazing drug. It does things that nothing else can do. Think about it, how many of us know we have problems? How many of us know we have just about all the issues we can handle. That's pretty much the story for us all. So what do we do? We find someone who is in the same shape we are and we say let's form a partnership. Nobody in their right mind would do it. That's where love comes in. It hits us in a way where nothing else matters and we are convinced that everything will be just fine. You have seen young lovers as they go through their baptism of love. They walk around with the star struck look in their eyes, holding hands and passing through life as if nothing else matters. They can be walking in the rain and you can say 'come on in here, you're getting wet.' They'll answer, 'we don't care'. If you try and talk to them about practical things it goes nowhere. 'What are you going to do for money?' 'We don't need money.' 'What are you going to do for food?' 'We're not hungry.' 'Where are you going to live?' 'With my Mom.' They don't have a clue, because they are under the influence of a powerful drug.

This is where it begins and for many it stops. We think that now we have come to know Jesus all we are to do is to wait for His return. So we go to church, we sing our songs and we follow the pattern of church life and wonder why we don't feel fulfilled in our relationship. Again it is just like marriage, the love must be ever growing. The love you had on your day of salvation is not enough to get you through the things that will come your way in the years to come. If you would have come to me on my wedding day and said 'you don't have any idea what love is all about.' I would have defended myself and told you how much I loved my bride to be. I would have been offended by your statement and would have shown it in someway. After Suzie and I were married for five years we looked back and were amazed how much we didn't know. After ten years we were even more amazed. Not that we were not in love, but how little we new about it and each other. Each day that we have together our love is built upon; we learn more and more about each other and learn what brings pleasure to each other. The love we had on our wedding day was truly love, but it wasn't enough to get us through twenty nine years of marriage. It had to increase; we had to have a better knowledge of each other. We needed to find each other. We needed to learn more about each other. CR

When Suzie and I were first married and I would buy her gifts for her birthday or Christmas, the conversation would sound something like this. "Oh how nice, thank you so much, do you have the receipt?" Now that I know her better that very seldom happens. I have also learned what she likes; I know what makes her happy. We have learned to be lovers over the years.

A lot is made over the "honey moon" period, and even comments are said like "well the honey moon is over". Well I'm not sure that the honey moon is all that it is cracked up to be. You're nervous, you're self conscious, you're really not sure how to take care of anything. You say to each other: 'what do you what to do?' 'I don't know, what do you want to do?' 'Do you want to eat?' 'If you do.' 'Do you want to go out?' 'If you do.' Both of you are feeling the stress of not knowing each other well enough yet. You're afraid to say what you really want, {let's go back to the room!}. But when you know each other then you can relax with each other. You can find your way to intimacy without feeling awkward. This is how it is with the Lord; He really wants the relationship to grow. He loves us so much and He wants to bring us to a place of freedom so that we can learn to be in His embrace.

There is something about being with the one you love, and to feel the warmth of each others touch. We need to understand that this is the desire of the Lord. Come away with me my beloved; come into the chamber where I share with you things that only lovers share. Hear His heart. He wants to cover us with the kisses of His mouth. He wants to whisper things to us that will bring us comfort and excite us towards life. He wants us to find Him and not let go.

Sometimes I think we miss the point about His plan for us. We are always looking for our destiny, wondering 'what is my ministry?' 'What is the next step for me?' But in truth He wants to build our hearts to His. He wants us to bear life. He wants the life to come from him. It is what Paul says: "when I speak of marriage I speak of Christ and His church". When you get married and you have a healthy relationship, if all things are normal you will have babies. The Lord wants His church to have babies and he want the children to look like Him. This can only come by us abandoning ourselves to him and giving our whole selves. I want more of him so I will go after him. I will invest myself into the relationship and learn more of him. I want the increase in the relationship. And I come to understand this: he already loves me all that he is going to. It is not His love that has to grow, it is mine. So I will pursue him.

For years I tried to serve the Lord by doing things for Him. I committed my life to "share the good news". Through all the things we did, church planting, youth work, conferences, television, radio and much more I wanted to show him how much I was worth. I wanted to bring him so much. I wanted Him to see how much I was worth.

Then one day something happened and everything was stripped away. I had nothing to give him, and there I was, naked and uncovered. That's when He came. I felt his embrace and I heard Him say "This is all I have ever really wanted from you. I just want you. Not what you bring, just your heart; not what you have done, I just want you." Then I began to see that in all the things that I was doing to "build the Kingdom", I was only trying to show myself worthy and that I had value to him. I had heard that he loved me and it wasn't by works, but who really believes that? But there I was, and He kissed me. I felt his touch and he began to heal my heart of the insecurity that had driven me for so long. As I was on the floor he spoke to me about his love and acceptance and shared with me secret things. I was released from a prison and I had found the one my heart loved. I made a decision then, that I would not let go of him ever, because life was different now that I had kissed the Son.

Everyone is invited into the inner camber; we just have to decide if we want to come. Will we surrender to His touch? Will we be willing lovers, will we give ourselves? Here is something you might think about. Can you go somewhere where you can stand alone with the Lord? Can you strip off the stuff you have clothed yourself with that you have put on to show him your worth? Would you dare to stand naked before him and say here I am Lord for better or for worse? I want you, I need you, take me here I am! Not what I have done, not my money, my education, not my status, just me. With all my faults and fears here I am.

You will be amazed at his response, he will take you away and he will speak to you like never before. You will find him whispering things to you that only lovers share. You will find his forgiveness, his acceptance and you will find Him. He will kiss you and you will never be the same. Take a chance, give yourself the opportunity to move into the relationship you were created for. Seek him and you will find him. Touch him and never let go. Find the one your heart loves and you will find the peace you long for.